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Showing posts from March, 2016

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Honey Sunshine Chai Tea Warm Milk

For Z.Walker

The way she moved was like the curling waves of a fire. Her eyes like the color of a pale green river. She was the fairy you discovered while you were alone in the deep, dark forest. A mythical being. Her voice ran through you like warm electricity. Her laughter like an echo underwater. She was unearthly. She was meant to BE Love to others... And then to disappear. Into the paradise she came from. Scattered stars for all the world to see and admire. To wonder who we are and where we came from. I don't imagine her body washed up on shore... I feel the love she planted inside me. Her hair blowing in the wind as she sings. Her quiet thoughts drifting along the lake water. That is how I chose to remember her. I love you . I miss you. And I carry a piece of you, everywhere I go.

Antidepressants

Follow Me! The threat of suicide is NOT a joke! Back in August of 2013, my father called me, around 11:15pm, to tell me his final goodbye. He had his gun and was sobbing to me that he "couldn't do it anymore. "I'm going to disappear forever." To me, he sounded like a totally different man. In fact, he didn't sound like a man at all! He sounded like a teenage boy. His teenage self. I tried to get him to tell me where he was at and he refused. I tried my hardest to talk him out of it. But he wouldn't listen. He then said, "love you" and hung up. Not even a goodbye. I called him over and over again, in a shaken panic, and he didn't pick up. "That's it." I though to myself. I knew he had finally killed himself. THIS was it. How my father died. In a panic, I called the police to try and find him. I told them what he had told me over the phone, the description of his vehicle, and what he looked like. I told them he ha

YOU Mean The World To Me!

Follow Me! Be open with your children! And more so, Be Honest ! One day when David is older, he's going to see the scars on my wrists and ask what happened. And simply, I'm going to tell him the truth. See, with me, I feel like there isn't really a need to bring up "adult" things with a child unless they, themselves, ask you. But, when they do, I feel like they are going to want the most honest answer you can give them! So, BE HONEST! M and I sorta have conflicting thoughts about this though...like, for instance, when David grows up and asks THE  question: How did you make me? or, Where did I come from? For me, I'm going to be straight up about it! No, that doesn't mean getting dirty about it, but being straight up, that's KEY ! For M, it's a little more complicated for him. It's a personal thing, a private thing, that he feels kids shouldn't worry about. But that's the thing! Kids don't necessarily worry about it, but

A Twenty-One Year Old Step-Mom

Follow Me! There's NO such thing as too much love...   Before I became David's mother, I became a step-mother to two little kids: A and K, but I didn't know that at the time. Years later, A, is now twelve years old and I met him when he was only seven. K, his big sister was just barely nine. She's now thirteen going on twenty-five. And me, I was only seventeen years old, a senior in high school. I came at a very strange time in their lives. Their mom was still living at the house, even though she and M had been broken up for a few months. Things were not going well, and the kids didn't really know it at the time. The first day I met their mother was during a Christmas dinner in 2011. She had red hair, and blue eyes and wore all black. She had this look on her face like a teenager usually does when she's somewhere she doesn't want to be. She was pretty. Really pretty. But she didn't strike up conversation with anyone . She made

My DMT Experience: The Mother Inside of Me

Follow Me! Wanna share your Spirit Molecule experience? Send me an email! I'd love to hear from you! In an earlier blog, I had mentioned that I had an amazing DMT experience a few years back. If you don't know what DMT is, it stands for Dimethyltryptamine , and it is "psychodelic" compound of the tryptamine family. I'm not going to go into scientifics here, but if you're really interested, a good book to read about it is called, "DMT: The Spirit Molecule" By, Rick Strassman, M.D.. If you're not down with reading, you're in luck, because they turned that book into a great documentary under the same name. It is a must read and see! You're probably wondering WHY I'm going to share my DMT experience with you on a Mom-Blog, but it's quite simple really! I was able to see the Mother inside me... DMT REALLY IS the Spirit Molecule. It takes you to a whole nother place. I'd like to think of it as a trip to the very

Introductions, Daddy issues, Abuse, Controversy, and Love

There are three things you should never ignore:  Abuse, Family, and Love I haven't really introduced myself to you properly. My name is Sage, I am 21, I live in South Lake Tahoe, California, and have been here since December 18th, 2010. I have a love/hate relationship with this town. See, when I was a little girl, I would come up here every summer to see my father and my two little brothers and my little sister. I LOVED Tahoe! It was beautiful! And watching the 4th of July fireworks on the lake was utterly stunning. The fireworks would fill the sky and reflect off of the big, open lake. Everyone would cheer their "Ooh's" and "Ahh's" and I could hear someone playing the steel drum somewhere in the background. To see the wonder and amazement in my siblings eyes made me happier than I could imagine. We spent everyday at the beach, eating, playing in the sand, diving for the best looking rocks, and swimming till our lips turned dark purple. I