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Honey Sunshine Chai Tea Warm Milk

Magic Part Three:

The cries of my newly born son filled the room, my heart, my soul, the Universe.

Imagine the most cozy, warm, comfortable, place you can possibly imagine. For me, I'd say it would have to be floating in clouds, sunshine on my back, blissful energy surrounding me, staring into M's eyes. Hearing the words I Love You crawling through your head the way Pink Floyd does when you have headphones on and your eyes closed. This moment. Sounds like an amazing moment to me! In fact, I wish I was in that moment right now!

But this moment: 
Listening to my baby cry, staring into my own soul, crying ABSOLUTE, PURE bliss.
Looking up at M, his eyes watery and happy, and falling deeply, and madly in Love with him all over again.
Squeezing his hand once, he has read my thoughts...

An infinite number times better than that feeling I imagine in the clouds.

Your whole body is quivering with LOVE! Seeping out from your pores! Your tears! Your open wound!
Nothing but THE BEST FEELING in the whole UNIVERSE!
Those butterfly feelings got NOTHIN'  on this....

Those first few hours after my surgery felt exactly the same, and no this was not the drugs they gave me for the pain, this was a drug called: LIFE. PURE. SIMPLE. LIFE.

The first time I felt my baby suckling on my breast, I cried yet again.

Looking down at him...

"What was happening to me?" I thought curiously.

"How am I able to do this amazing thing? Me!" I asked the Universe again.

I kissed my boy. His soft, warm, pink skin.

He looked up at me, bright eyes, asking those same questions I just asked the Universe.

And with that, we dozed off.

If you want to know what Magic really is, it is That.

Right there, right when we seemed to be asking the same questions towards the Universe.
To me, he WAS the Universe. IS! And for him, I am his Universe.
Those questions connected us in a way that nothing else in life can do.

WE, him and I; You, Everyone else that you see around you, or think about; ARE each our own Universe. That is the Magic.

So sure, being in love with your lover, is magical! Those feelings you get from him or her are magical! Finally finding your place in the world: magical! 
But the Magic IN it, is that there are billions of Universe's, all infinite and interacting with other infinite Universe's, loving each other and creating a whole new Universe together. That, to me, is the highest form of alchemy, or Magic, anyone can create.

We are all infinite! Anything is possible, so don't ever doubt yourself.
We have Magic within us, waiting to be released.
And THAT is some scary shit! 
But what do they say?
If you're scared, BE scared and do it anyway!

- for my son, David who is now just 3 months over a year old. And to all of you out there who wonder if there's anything out there for them, if they're worth it......the answer is YES! Keep going! I have been through some very dark places of my own just as you have. And I'm here! And I'm GLAD!


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Honey Sunshine Chai Tea Warm Milk

Last night I was watching my son sleep peacefully. The purple and orange Christmas lights hanging on the ceiling, shining down on his perfect, small, comfortable body; his small breaths; his little but strong chest moving up and then down. And I lie there with him, staring in wonder. A feeling of uneasiness settled in too. Worried. This little boy will continue to grow bigger and bigger, older and older, venturing out into the unknown. Staring down at his little neck that was openly tempting me to kiss it all over, not wanting to wake him. And I thought of his future girlfriend, or his wife, and thought: "How lucky she will be. THE luckiest girl in the world. To be able to kiss THAT neck. So passionately. Hold him dearly. Kiss him sweetly. Run her fingers through his hair. Caress his incredibly soft skin." And each time I thought these things, my tummy got warmer. My heart fluttered. Thinking of how he smells of honey and sunshine. Chai tea and warm milk. I realized th