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In an earlier blog, I had mentioned that I had an amazing DMT experience a few years back.
If you don't know what DMT is, it stands for Dimethyltryptamine, and it is "psychodelic" compound of the tryptamine family. I'm not going to go into scientifics here, but if you're really interested, a good book to read about it is called, "DMT: The Spirit Molecule" By, Rick Strassman, M.D..
If you're not down with reading, you're in luck, because they turned that book into a great documentary under the same name.
It is a must read and see!
You're probably wondering WHY I'm going to share my DMT experience with you on a Mom-Blog, but it's quite simple really! I was able to see the Mother inside me...
DMT REALLY IS the Spirit Molecule. It takes you to a whole nother place. I'd like to think of it as a trip to the very core of your soul.
This is not some kind of acid trip! In fact, DMT only lasts for up to 15 minutes, when smoked. And that is completely fine.
My Spirit Molecule adventure transformed me in ways I didn't see possible. I saw colors I didn't know existed! And best of all, I came back from it, knowing there was something, someone inside me, making sure I was filled with nothing but Love and Light. She was my Soul Mother.
I don't want to get too far here without first telling you that I am no DMT expert. I am also not condoning the use of this Spirit Molecule. I am simply sharing my experience with you all, because it was one of the most beautiful things I ever experienced, and because it changed how I saw myself and the world around me. Even what death might be like. Sounds scary right? It is. But over anything else, it was inspiring. They say that when you're ready, the Spirit Molecule finds YOU! And that's exactly what happened with me.
My opportunity came along.
I was scared! But I knew that it was my time. It wanted me to see. And I felt that if It wanted me to see, It knew that I was ready....and I trusted that.
I had a girl friend there with me to supervise and to make sure I was okay during my 15 minutes.
My pipe was ready to go, I was ready to go, and off I went.
It didn't take long at all, five seconds at most, to be GONE in this new Universe.
I was flying, no, more like being slingshot through this infinite tunnel. Faster than the speed of light.
And the tunnel was filled with a kaleidoscope of colors. Colors of EXTREME intensity. Colors I'd never seen before in my life, and you could FEEL them. Loud, rupturing vibrations filled every cell in my body, I felt like I was going to break apart molecularly. And who knows, maybe I did.
The tunnel was beginning to expand out, open up more. And I was coming to a stop.
I was now in this kaleidoscope room. It felt amazing, all these colors.
In this room, I was allowed to adjust my own frequencies to my chosing.
I adjusted carefully.
And then I felt like I was being carried, by some unknown invisible entity, further into this room. And I saw It.
This massive blue head.
Almost an exact replica of an Alex Grey painting in which I stumbled upon after my experience.
I'll place that image here:
I didn't know who this Blue Head might be. Was it God? Was this my inner self? Looking out at the world from those eyes?
I didn't have an answer, just what felt like a hug from whoever this invisible entity that was carrying me around.
She carried me into that Blue Head. And THIS is where it got emotional for me.
Inside this Massive Head Dome was absolutely stunning. It was the prettiest blue I'd ever seen. So calm, so instense, all at the same time. It literally made me want to cry. The feeling was such an intense happiness, it tickled every cell of my being.
I giggled, and the sound echoed throughout the Dome Head.
This Dome Head had eyes throughout every inch of itself. And when you looked through those eyes, you saw different parts of the world and of people.
I looked all around myself and that was when I discovered her: my Inner Child.
She was small. Blue. And curled up in a fetal position on the ground. She had what looked like an umbilical cord attached at the top of her head, that went straight to the top of the Dome Head.
Standing above her was my Soul Mother.
She was also blue! And we both had no hair, and looked more like a soft sculpture than a human being. There were no facial features. But for some reason, I was just aware of who these two beings were as if I'd know all along.
When I looked at my inner child, she gave me a feeling of sadness. Deep Sorrow.
It made me want to cry and hold her. Tell her everything is gonna be okay.
But my Soul Mother did that for me.
She put out her hands towards my Inner Child, and this bright, white, flowing energy came out of her palms, right into her.
This bright energy filled my Inner Child and it flowed up the umbilical cord into the top of the Dome Head.
The Inner Child was now beginning to raise up out of her fetal position and into a meditative pose.
My Soul Mother was still pouring out her energy.
I was now inside my Inner Child, and it that meditative pose I flexed my hands and pushed that white energy out of my fingers.
I was sitting at the top of this wildflower cliff. And this energy was coming out of me like a river into a waterfall. I could feel it. It was like hot, silky water. It felt amazing. And I was pouring it out into the world.
It felt so sensual!
My Soul Mother embraced me. A hug from the mother goddess herself.
My eyelids began to feel lighter and I knew my time was up.
I was being slingshot back into Earth.
But it was okay. I was okay with that.
I felt nothing but love the entire time.
And I floated gently back into myself and my eyes opened to a curious friend sitting across from me.
"How long was I gone for?" I said to her.
"Eight minutes." She giggled.
Wow. Only eight minutes! It had felt like an eternity to me!
What the hell just happened to me? What did I just see?
That was real! I was there!
This wasn't like a vivid dream. This wasn't being high.
This wasn't tripping.
This was real! I was portaled to another place, a place that knew who I was, inside and out.
What's weird is, actually being there made me recognize this place. But how?
I felt a sense of peace. For some reason, I knew that I was okay and I knew that I had a Soul Mother looking after me and my Inner Child. Healing her. Loving her.
Where had she come from? Had she always been with me?
I guess it seemed that I had more questions coming out of it than I did when I went in.
A couple years later, I was doing our daily meditation with M.
At the end of every sitting, we would each thank the Universe and put out positive thinking in return. We would also ask for one thing.
I always asked for the same thing: to be gifted a baby.
I would lay down with my eyes closed, and every time, I would feel that same Soul Mother crouching beside me. She would put her hands over my core, and put that same energy into me.
Not so long after that, I would find out that my hope and wish was granted.
To me, I feel like she and I merged into each other, a convergence, when I became pregnant. And I'm acting as that Soul Mother to my own child now.
If David ever had an experience like I did, and he saw his Inner Child as wounded and hurt as mine was, I would feel like I failed to keep him safe from the evils of human kind.
I would feel as if I couldn't protect his innocence. The most pure part of a human being.
I'm going to put forth this beautiful light energy into him every day. Love him with all of my being. Every cell, every fiber, every thought.
I didn't know what to really take from my experience, and to be honest, I'm not so sure I do now, but I do know that I want my son to feel the way that Soul Mother made me feel. To see the world as I saw everything sounding me in That World. To feel intensely, every great thing.
And I find hope in knowing that there is something else out there. That this is not it! And we are not alone.
I wish that I had known these things when I was a little girl.
But I find comfort in knowing it now.
I can never look at someone the same. We may just be a human body, but there is SO much inside of us and SO much surrounding us and we don't even realize it.
But I walk by each day and see that something inside of you. I know what surrounds you. So even in your darkest hour, keep in mind that you are only surrounded by nothing but beauty. And Love is embracing you always.
Ask to to heal that Inner Child. And step by step, day by day, it will happen. And your Soul Mother will thank you.