When I was pregnant, I was 100% sure I was having a girl.
Even though every dream I had during that time, I dreamt of a baby boy named David.
I'd rub my belly and say, "hello, my pretty girl." Smiling.
I went out and bought a really cute newborn girl onesie and kept it in the drawer. I still have it too!
I couldn't wait for her to wear it!
But at my twenty week appointment when we saw that we were really having a boy, new thoughts came into my mind.
I was absolutely stoked about having a boy, and surprisingly enough, even more excited than I thought, at the thought I wasn't having a girl!
I thought I wanted a girl, but I was deeply wrong.
I guess my dreams were right!!!
But then the question of whether I wanted to have my baby circumcised or not, came into play.
I did a little research. A little bit every now and then.
One day while I was at home, I started to research circumcision. How it was done, why it was done, and if it was absolutely necessary.
And what I found was horrific. Completely disgusting and disturbing to the core.
What made it completely disturbing to me was the fact that there really were no reasons in why baby boys should get cut, other than the excuse that cut men are cleaner and that intact men have a higher risk for aids!
"I want to circumcise my baby because his daddy was circumcised!"
"I want to circumcise my son because cleaning himself will be easier!"
"Intact men are gross and unnatural! I don't want kids in the locker room to make fun of him!"
"Circumcised men have better sex!"
I scoffed at everything I read in those articles.
Really? Cleaner? More attractive? Better sex? Pssh!
They also mentioned that baby boys who didn't get cut, had a higher risk of getting Urinary Tract Infections during their first year of life. Well here's another fact: baby girls during their first year of life are more prone to UTI's than anyone else, cut or uncut, and you don't hear of doctors cutting anything on their most sensual, sensitive, special parts. (more on that later).
The reason they say cut men are cleaner is because intact men naturally produce a self cleansing lubrication inside their penis called smegma. And sometimes that smegma can produce an odor. However, if men are really that lazy that they can't take 3 seconds out of their shower time to want to clean their own penis, what's the point in cleaning anything at all? Intact men simply roll down their foreskin, and clean it! Ta da! Doesn't sound so hard, does it?
You know what's crazy too? Women also create this same self cleansing lubrication in the folds of their vagina as well! Are they getting their labia cut off a day after being brought into this world, simply because they will be cleaner?? No! And if women can take the extra 3 seconds it takes to clean their vagina, cut men especially, can do the simple job you guys have! Vaginas need a lot of maintenance. They are crazy, magical, weird, delicate flowers! Water, trim, healthy soil, pollination.
Cleanliness is not an excuse to cut a baby's penis.
Smegma is a natural substance that is NEEDED for retraction of the foreskin. It helps during sexual intercourse as well!
Of course, and overbuild of the stuff is not okay. So hop in the shower and clean your special parts!
When you stink, you stink. Whether you're circumcised or not, clean yourself!
Do you smell that?
The whole, "STD and HIV rates are much lower in men who are circumcised" statement, is also bullshit!
In fact, America's population, and most of Africa's as well, as of 2015, has the highest percentage of circumcisions in the world, coming in between 76-92%. Whereas the rest of the world's populations, Europe, South America, and Mexico especially, only come in at less than 20%.
America and Africa also have the highest rates of HIV and STD's in the world.
I'm sorry, but two and two don't fit together here.
You know what helps to prevent HIV and STD'S?
If you go back in time and look up previous reasons of why babies got circumcised, doctors always had the answer that they would be saved from whatever disease that was prevalent at that current time.
First it was a cure for masturbation! Then it was to make sure your child didn't get cancer or syphilis! In the current times, circumcision is for cleanliness, STD's and HIV, phimosis (which I'll explain below), cosmetic preference ("better looking," wanna match daddy), and they even say women have a higher risk for cervical cancer if your man is uncut! Lies! Lies! Lies!!!
Men are made to believe that women prefer a cut man because it's "more appealing," just as women are made to believe that men prefer bigger breasts. Does that sound right?
More and more women these days actually prefer a man who is intact; for lots of reasons, two, specifically, of which I will bring up.
For one, sex is more pleasurable due to the fact that the foreskin prevents painful, drying, friction inside the vagina.
On a cut man, the glans pulls out any lubrication that's inside the vagina, making it easier for vaginal dryness to occur. Vaginal dryness and sex, equals pain, not pleasure.
No woman thinks that a fire vagina feels good during sex.
Number two is that, really, an intact man's penis looks actually like any other penis when they roll down their foreskin! In fact, it's prettier! They are less dry looking, there is no scar, they look.....alive! Go ahead, go look em up! They're beautiful!
Okay, remember that weird word phimosis I said above?
Phimosis is what intact men call a tight foreskin. And I mean, tight to the point where they cannot retract their foreskin over their glans.
At birth, the foreskin is actually fused to the glans until adolescence where the young man can start to retract the foreskin, so that the penis is protected
When a man is unable to fully retract his foreskin, they call that phimosis. In fact, some women even get whats called clitoral phimosis, where their clitoral hood won't retract.
What's sad is that, when a man is diagnosed with phimosis, most doctors will push circumcision to "take care of the problem."
However, did you know that there are stretching techniques and different types of creams to help the process? No surgery needed as long as the phimosis isn't so severe!
And in reality, intact men rarely ever have phimosis. Luckily there are great techniques out there to help these men that don't include cutting off the most sensitive part of a man's penis...
Wait, what? Did you say the MOST sensitive part of a man's penis?!
Yes, yes I did.
A day after a baby boy has been born, sometimes even within a few hours of the birth, doctors savagely remove up to 12 square inches of foreskin. Foreskin that has over 20,000 to 70,000 nerve endings! The clitoris only has up to 8,000! That's why back in the day, doctors cut babies foreskin off to prevent masturbation! Men's penises were just too sensitive...they couldn't keep their hands off! And can you blame them?
When your foreskin has been removed, the glans of your penis, throughout the years of growing up, has been constantly in contact with fabrics; just out in the open to rub against everything, your glans is becoming desensitized. In turn, a man's sexual pleasure is significantly decreased, and all without the consent of poor baby! There are even men out there who don't even realize this fact.
The foreskin is there for a reason...
Just as we have eyelids for a reason...
It's incredibly sad to read about men who grew up ignorant to these harsh facts. And for them to feel completely violated and savagely mutilated of their body. Their sexual pleasure.
Many men become resentful towards their own parents for allowing a doctor to cut him.
Scientists have come up with ways in which men can restore their foreskin.
But why should men have to go through that in the first place?
If it's illegal to cut a girl's bits, it should be illegal for boys as well.
Sure, intact penises look.....different. But intact penises are actually the norm! What penises are! Circumcised penises are not natural! They have been cosmetically cut! And it's sad to me that they are the ones that are considered normal when that is clearly not the case.
Okay, now for even more dirty details and facts: I'm going to talk about the emotionally traumatic aspects of this barbaric "procedure."
Studies have found that the procedure alone literally changes the baby's brain, permanently.
Dr. Paul D. Tinari, did a scientific study on a nurses' son at the hospital they were currently studying.
They had the baby strapped down in the typical restraint system, and put inside the MRI.
No anesthetic was used during this procedure.
They left the boy in the machine for several minutes to "generate baseline data of the normal metabolic activity in the brain."
What they found was that the surgery inflicted significant trauma to the baby's brain.
The greatest of which, were the parts of the brain that associated with reasoning, perception, and emotions.
They did follow-up tests one day, one week, and one month following the surgery to confirm that the baby's brain did not, indeed, return to it's normal state.
In blunt terms, the circumcised baby's brain was permanently changed by this horrific surgery.
This wasn't the only study performed either.
Continuing proof that stress-levels in babies, during and after the surgery, also never return to normal, should be enough to not want to do this to a baby boy shortly after he was brought into this world.
Since the reasoning, perception, and emotions part of the brain were severely and permanently changed, the bond between the parents, the mother especially, greatly dissolve. If not entirely! Circumcision interferes with breastfeeding due to this bond-breakage! Look it up!
I read an article about the psychological impact of circumcision and a mother described the day she got her son circumcised. She said,
These babies do not cry. And back in the day, when doctors saw that some babies didn't cry while they were being cut, they assumed that no pain was being felt by these poor boys. What a complete falsification!
Of course doctors know now that pain levels during this procedure are severe, and most adults would not be able to handle this level of pain. Especially under no anesthesia, as most doctors simply don't use it.
So if doctors know these things, why are they continuing to perform these cruel, bodily mutilations on baby boys? Having the circumcision done is not the only time these boy and future men will carry this physical, sexual, and emotional trauma. It lasts a lifetime.
I, myself, can't even watch a circumcision video. And I won't.
It's pretty obvious what I'll see and hear. A doctor cutting a baby's penis, screaming (or choking) baby boy, blood, tears, disturbed baby, the end. I don't need to see that! And if you can't get yourself to watch that video, don't think you can actually have that done to your own baby boy.
A video I can watch and which I highly recommend, is from, yes...you guessed, Adina Rivers. You can check that out right here! (don't worry, there's no brutal images or anything like that).
Okay, back to when I was pregnant and conflicted.
All of what I typed above about my circumcision research, was only researched after the birth...
Hear me out.
When I tried to talk with M about my decision to not have our son cut, he said that he would rather have him circumcised. (no, hating please...he later saw and felt through my eyes and mind). He wanted to have him cut because he didn't want him to be picked on in school. And he wanted him to look like his daddy!
Luckily, intact is coming back strong. Since 2010, the average percentage of circumcisions in America are only 77% compared to 1960 when 86% were being circumcised. And that number is only continuing to drop!
One day, there will be more intact men in the locker room...who's the odd one out now? (well, almost).
I thought about M's reasoning and I almost gave in. I really did! I wanted to make M happy and for David to feel "normal" growing up. If only I kept telling myself that being intact IS normal!
And it wouldn't be hard telling my son about why I didn't want the doctors to cut his penis, and telling him how to clean himself properly! Not a huge task.
When I gave birth, the doctor came into our room to tell us that circumcision was not covered by insurance, and that if we wanted it done, we'd have to pay $150. I was pissed off. I honestly thought they "took care of that" immediately after his birth. And I wasn't pleased.
Coming home with my intact son, I felt.....good. I felt a sense of pride. And as I read more and more about circumcision, about men who wish they had never been cut, about mother's who regret getting their boys cut, about all the studies that have been done; I only felt like what we, sorta unintentionally did for our boy, was the right thing to do. And I felt horrible for even second guessing myself in this decision. Felt absolutely disgusting for even being angry that they "didn't do it already." That went against EVERYTHING inside me.
From what I knew while I was pregnant, circumcision was unnecessary, but ultimately it was up to the father.
If only I had known all of this before...
I felt like we had been this close to ruining something perfect in and on our baby boy.
Our boy was whole. IS whole! And I am so thankful we were "tricked" out of circumcision.
If, one day, David wants to get circumcised, I'm not going to be a happy mom. And I think I'd try my very best to convince him out of it, (and honestly, what mature man would read facts about circumcision and how it affects men; mentally, physically, and sexually, and actually chose to go for it?), but if that's what David really, fully, ultimately wanted....it's his life, his body, his choice.
And that goes for all of you men out there too! Do what feels right for YOU!
If you want to restore your foreskin, GO FOR IT! If you want to get rid of it, GO FOR IT!
But please, moms and dads, don't get your baby circumcised without his consent.
There's no harm in giving him a choice when he's old enough to decide for himself.
If I didn't hit any key spots in this post, check out a few good websites that I'll post directly below:
Are There Long-Term Consequences
The Psychological Impact of Circumcision
Circumcision Rates Declining in the U.S.
Infant Responses to Circumcision
CRC (Circumcision Resource Center)
50 Reasons To Leave It Alone!