It has come to my attention that I do, indeed, want another child!
I know, I know, I made a whole post about why I only wanted one child, and then I recently made a post about my subtly changing mind, well now....
I'm going to write a post about my made up mind: Why I Want More Kids!
Okay, I don't know if this is going to sound weird, but a lot of my inspiration came from my favorite YouTube FamChan, The Stauffer Life. No, they weren't my only source of inspiration, but I'll get into that next.
I started watching The Stauffer Life on YouTube around the same time I wrote that blog post, "Why I Only Want One Child."
I have watched plenty of YouTube FamChan's and all of them I really enjoy and respect SO much, but I don't know what it is about this channel, this family, that really put huge inspiration in me.
Watching them actually got me to get my own YouTube channel started.
I'd always rolled the idea around in my head of starting one, but I've never had the guts to put myself on camera like that. But you know what? I can do it! And for some reason, The Stauffer Life showed me that!
At first, I was intimidated by this family. They seemed so put together. So in charge of life. So freakin' confident! Myka is absolutely stunning. She has had three kids and it doesn't even look like it's affected her body whatsoever. James is so chilled out. Like he's in a constant state of, "Yeah, I'm down with that, life is good, honey."
And their kids are a team. Even their little baby boy, they all seem to stick together in some sort of magnetizing way. There's a connection there!
And you're all probably thinking, "Well, obviously, Sage, they are siblings!" And I understand that. But I'm not used to siblings......sticking together. Not only did I grow up an only child (I do have two younger half brothers, and one younger half sister, but I didn't grow up with them), but my two step kids, A and K, they don't seem to have that same connection.
Where does that connection come from? Is it because their mom and dad aren't together?
Both seem to have that connection with David, but why? I'm not their bio mom!
Does that connection come from two stabilized parents?
Your children seeing that their parents are in love and like and happy together? I don't know!
So yeah, it's safe to say they intimidated me at first.
Well, I watched further, and I watched from their very first video. I felt like I got to know them more personally! The intimidation dwindled down and formed into amazing feelings of inspiration.
This woman had such determination with life. With everything she did!
That determination reminded me of my mother's determination. That same determination I wish I had for myself.
(come to find out in a very recent Q&A video they did, Myka is a Gemini! My mother is too. Maybe the determination is a Gemini thing?)
Myka had three babies and managed to stay sane (sane as a momma can stay), and in shape!
Her husband is so supportive of Myka and he takes damn good care of the family. They both do!
You just know that they take good care of each other.
And not only is James just a freakin' great husband, father, and worker, but he's a step-daddy too!
I love to "meet" other men and women out there who are mothers and fathers to kids that didn't come from their own bodies. Because I gotta tell you, it's hard work!
No, loving the kids as your own is not hard, but being accepted, being treated with respect, being the extra person, is hard. Especially in the beginning.
There's a lot of "behind-the-scenes" stuff that step-parents do. Things that won't be recognized for a long time. And that can be really tough because you can end up feeling very under-appreciated.
At least this is how it was for me.
Things are much easier now that it's been almost five years.
I have a lot of respect for step-parents! So go James! And thank you Myka for having his back...I don't know how to say how important it really is to have your partners back when you're co-parenting together.
So I found a deep connection with this family. And I have never met them before! (Isn't YouTube the shit?!)
This is when the idea of my own YouTube FamChan grew in confidence.
When I watched further, and I got to know how much of a family person Myka and James are, I began to EXTRA-question my thoughts on the idea of more children.
I asked myself again, "Why did I only want one child?"
If people keep having kids, growing their families, it can't be that bad, right?
If having a kid was so horrible, why would women keep having them?
And I'm not talking about keeping the population up, but seriously! If having kids was really so horrible, we wouldn't have them. Simply.
I started digging deeper into my answers. My real answers. Why would I only want one child??!
As I've posted about before, my pregnancy was amazing, life changing, magical, and intense.
And after I had David, it only became more intense! More magical. More life changing! But was it more amazing??
And to me, there was my answer!
I think my life really did become more amazing. But I was in such a free fall of hormones and being thrown in and out of horrible, uncomfortable situations in the year after my sons birth, that I don't think the "amazing" really showed itself until I wrote that post!
And watching The Staffer Life really brought that "amazing" out! I don't know how, I don't know why.
I think I was so terrified that having another baby would throw me into the same situations, the same feelings I got into during this past year, that I told myself I could never do that again.
The truth is, not only could I do it again, but you never know what the next time will be like!
You can ride the same roller-coaster over and over again, but every time you ride it, there will always be something different during that ride.
Whether it was if you kept your eyes open or closed, whether you looked at the ground at the top or across to the mountains, whether you decided to scream or laugh. Each will be different.
I thought to myself, "maybe I really could do this."
And eventually, that thought turned into, "maybe I really want to do this!"
And I do!
I don't know if my next experience will be better or worse. But really, knowing that I made it past the first year (which is supposed to be the make-it or break-it moment of becoming a parent), gives me such confidence in having more kids. And not only that, but I have insight into what to really expect during that first year, mentally and physically!
Having David was the best thing I coulda done. He has taught me more about myself than anything or anyone in the world and he can't even talk yet! Isn't that amazing?!
Not having any more kids would be so.....unfulfilling. In fact, I can't imagine my life without more children of my own!
The first year of your baby's life doesn't define what every time will be like! From what I know now about myself, is that having more kids would only make life fuller. Better. Busier. Happier!
Of course there are gunna be some hard, bumpy times. There always will be!
But if have my big family right there with me, I know I could get through anything. We could get through anything!
James and Myka always say that if you want something so bad, you can get it. You can achieve whatever it is that you want achieved. If you really do want it that bad!
I wholeheartedly agree with that! And I'm glad to "know" people who believe that too!
I don't know why I haven't been listening to myself more!
When the time comes, and I see two positive lines on a pregnancy test, I know how to stand my ground. And do you know how excited that makes me?!
That's another gift that was given to me from my son: Strength. Courage. Possibility.
I owe him the whole world. Maybe having a few siblings will be a small slice of that world.
Nothing would make me happier than waking up every morning, hearing my kids in their rooms, or goofing around the house.
Okay, I'm gunna shut up now but I had to say something. I wanted to give an extra thanks to The Stauffer Life. I wanted to give an extra thanks to my son, my step-kids, my partner, and to myself.
I'm waiting to get a camera to start my channel on YouTube (and I can finally meet all of you!), and it may take a little time, but in the meantime, stay tuned for more posts and feel welcome to boost me out there into the internet world! Everything is much appreciated!
Please feel free to Comment and Share and Subscribe!
Also, I don't know if linking YouTube channels in my posts is okay here, but I've already done it so I'm gunna do it again. If you want, I highly suggest checking out The Stauffer Life, (obviously), because not only are they awesome, but they deserve more subscribers. You're guaranteed to find something you like on their page! Check out their other channels too!
Wish me luck on the journey I'm on as I'm always sending you all good vibes and lots of love for your journey <3