I wanted to write a short post about my current weaning situation.
Yes, I am starting to wean myself off of my Wellbutrin.
I got the okay from my doctor last week. I feel pretty freakin' stable so far.
If you are new to my site and don't know my story, check out my post, "Antidepressants" so you can get a better idea of why I was put on Wellbutrin in the first place!
For the past two weeks I have been only taking one 150mg pill every other day. And the past two days I haven't felt the "need" to take a pill at all. Which I feel very proud of myself because I'm not feeling any extra anxieties or depression or any of that crap.
My doc told me that I should be completely off of my medication by two weeks, but said that I can still have the medication around for the days I feel I need to take it. I am so okay with that guys!
It's been a really difficult beginning of the year I think. I think many people out there in the world are going through a transformation period. A period of healing and growing.
Sometimes that transformation shit hurts...shedding your old skin away. Your old life.
Turning into a butterfly can't be physically pleasant. But damn, those butterflies sure can fly!
I feel like these past few months I have grown so much. And I hope to only grow more!
Learn more, feel more, love more. (and I will)
It's been hard without the occasional talk with my mom.
Yes, because I said a whole mess of things on here about my childhood with her.
But I know in my heart that things will simmer down and we'll finally be able to work things out.
It's also been hard this year missing Wes, my soul-father. I'm not so sure why this year has been so difficult with the whole "wes-is-so-far-away" thing, but it really is.
I guess I'm just realizing that I truly am on my own, in my own little world out here in South Lake. And I really am okay with that, I just think I want to share that little world with my family.
Sigh. My family is so complicated! So spread out! So diverse! I have four dads, three mommas, several grandparents, half-siblings, and they all live in different places around the country and world. It makes times seem lonely a lot.
Sure, I have my dad here....but....you all know that complicated story. (though there are more).
But that's a huge reason of why I've been transforming, as I'm sure we all have!
Figuring out where I'm going. Where I want to go! What I want to do. How I want to live.
Strongly, fiercely, healthily, happily, and full of amazing, magical moments.
Being able to wean myself off of these pills makes me feel very hopeful about this whole "transforming-growing" thing. Like maybe everything I've been working on is starting to take effect.
It's not often I find positive results due to something I've worked on doing, simply because I would give up. And since I've been working so hard on my patience, I think I've driven myself to the next level that I wanted and needed to be at. And I don't see that slowing down any time now.
I know exactly where I want to go. What I want to do. And nothing will stand in my way. Not even these silly pills. I am so so thankful for the breathing room they gave me. And knowing that they will be here whenever I need them is only extra assurance that I'm gunna be okay.
So far, the only side affects I've had (which has been rare) from weaning has been headaches. Bad ones. But they'll go away soon enough. Physically I think my libido has increased and that to me is so very important and now I don't feel like I'm broken. For awhile there, I just thought I was totally broken. Sexually, mentally, and physically. Phew! What a weight off my shoulders...
I think a lot of today's problems come from us all taking life too seriously! So that's been a huge goal of mine lately, to not take life so seriously!! Laugh a little, lighten up! Remember, we are only so small in this infinite universe. Anything that may be going on right now that is stressing you out, bothering you, worrying you, making you feel hopeless or worthless; although it may seem like it's the end of the world, look up at the night sky, see those stars, and get a better perspective on what's really going on. Everything is going to be okay! Relaaaaxxxx....
Anyway, I just wanted to make a short post about this stuff. I'll let you all know how the weaning process goes, but so far, so good.
much love to you all <3