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My Two Week Wait



Okay, here I sit at the desk with a mixed vodka drink, listening to some reggae while my baby boy plays on the couch taking his diaper off and giggling about it.

Today was much more uneventful than I expected it to be. I forgot how awkward it is to speak to a stranger about your problems. Your quirks. Especially on the first visit where they don't really say much, they just sit and listen and nod their heads and look at every movement you make.

My therapist was very nice, but it's going to take me some time to get used to someone random knowing about all my hidden secrets and feelings.

I guess you can call me Mrs. Vulnerable today.

My next appointment was supposed to be next week. She wants to see me weekly but I told her it wouldn't be possible due to our slim finances. So two weeks from now is when I see her next.
Sigh. I'm scared and nervous at what she has to say to me....really scared.
But what can I do?

J and I were supposed to get together today or tonight at some point but things "kept coming up" with her. So I was pretty bummed and am starting to lose hope in hanging out with her. She's done this before and every time I give her another shot, but it always ends the same way.
We'll see....we're supposed to kick it tomorrow.

I would tell you guys what's more on my mind, my fears right now, and what I, myself have concluded about myself, but I should wait.
All I can say is that I don't know what I'm gunna do. And I just really wish I had a good friend to talk to. Or my mom. Though she'll prolly just be like, "Ha! I told you so!"

I've been drinking a lot more often. It feels like the only way to slow my mind and body down.

Okay, I think that's all for now. I'll keep you all posted.

I've been wanting to write more on controversial topics or some more life stories, but my mind has just not been focused enough for that lately. Stay tuned....it will all return to me in time!

Thank you guys so much for reading <3

-s.


Comments

  1. Sage...Please stay away from the Alcohol it's not helping you it's a hinder in your journey to discovery with your therapist...Not to mention it will kill your relationship with, David and then you. Best thing I can say to anyone who has decided to get help with the their inner demons whether born into or self-caused as I have been doing now for 2 yrs, my therapist is a keeper...Is to Be Honest with not just yourself (you have to be honest to get to this point,on your own) but Especially with your new Confidant that is there for You and your son in the long run. So Mote it Be!

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  2. Thank you Anon. for your helpful guidance. I'm not turning into an alcoholic, but having a drink has been helping me to relax a little and smile at things. Luckily I am not one of those people who feel like they need to spend their "youthful" years partying and getting fucked up every night. David is the complete center of my universe. I won't let the alcohol take over me or take his place. This recent self-awareness has really taken the wind outta me.
    Much Love to You <3

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