Hello beautiful people!
I haven't written anything in awhile..
Lots has been happening and I'll explain a little further in a second.
Right now, David is snoozed out in the bedroom and M is taking a shower so he can get to work looking all handsome. K is having a sleepover at her friends house and A is chillin' in his room.
So a lot has been happening. Not really event-wise, just emotionally. Like usual.
This past "time" has made me realize some things about myself that I didn't before, and so I set up an appointment for this Tuesday for me to see a therapist, a real one, for the first time in three years.
I am excited. But really, more than anything I am scared. I have never been scared to see a therapist before and I've grown up seeing them. This time is a whole different story, and I'm really hoping to god I don't chicken out and not show up. I know I need to go, I just don't want to....
Listen guys, I'm not going to tell you too much of whats been going on with me until I safely unleash it all to the therapist. Trust me, it will all be better that way. And on Tuesday, I'll be sure to update you all on what's going on. Things are.......not good.
On a positive note, (I think), J and I, (the kids momma), are getting along better than ever. Since her being sober from alcohol for over a year, she's finally starting to come around. Does it make me happy? Yes! But it makes me nervous too....Double-Yes! If you knew her, you'd understand why. This is a whole nother reason why I am feeling so scared about life. I am not going to get into it.
J and I are going to grab some coffee together on Tuesday and hopefully I get to help her out with a job. I don't even like coffee! Well, I love the taste, but coffee makes me feel so shitty. I will make myself feel shitty just so I can hang out with a friend. It's silly but I almost wanted to ask her to come with me to my therapy appointment. But then I realized that would not be a good idea. I don't think. No. It wouldn't. Sigh. Ugh.
I'd just about do anything to hang out with a friend. Isn't that lame? I'm going to buy a shirt for myself that just has the letters L-A-M-E on the chest. Big and Bold.
I gotta tell you, it really sucks going through some shit and you don't have anyone around to talk to about it safely and comfortably. I mean, besides M, he already knows everything that's going on with me. But I mean, a girl. A best friend. I have a best girl friend, Z, but she is not here. I can't grab coffee with her because she is not here. I can't make myself feel shitty for Z.
EDIT: J cancelled the coffee date tomorrow because she has to go into work... Major sad face.
Well, okay, I'm rambling. Just wait for tomorrow and everything will start to make sense I think. It does for me anyway..
Thank you for reading!
I love you all!