HeLlO mY NaMe iS...

HeLlO mY NaMe iS...

Friday, July 29, 2016

Keepin' It Real


Two days ago my Dog Baby, Hershey, was attacked by another neighbor dog. Hershey is a ten year old Yorkshire Terrier/Chihuahua mix. So he is small and very non-aggressive.
His back had a huge gash in it and needed emergency surgery. Fifteen stitches. Two big bites, tearing my dog up. He's back home now in recovery. And I'm pissed off. I'm pissed of because I did find out who's dog did this, and unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it. Legally. ;)
The morning that Hershey got attacked, I let him outside to go potty and he wandered away.
I figured he just went to his normal yard spot in our old neighbors backyard, so I went back inside to collect me and David's things. And that's when M comes in all freaked out with Hershey in his arms.
Hershey had wandered into one of our neighbors yard and their chained up dog, (Husky/German Shepard mix) couldn't handle it, and she attacked. Viciously.

M and I didn't  have the money for all the shit that needed to be done on Hershey. And the doc told us that if we didn't take care of him immediately, he would die of infection.

Heartbroken, overwhelmed, anxious, hopeless, guilty.

I didn't know what to do.
And what's worse is that I knew there was nothing I could do to make the bastards with their aggressive dog pay for what they did.
We had angels on our side this day because two lovely people who were also in the waiting room with us, helped us pay our medical bill.
And the Humane Society took care of the rest.
Hershey got his much-needed surgery.
Hershey is alive.
He is in pain and it pains me. I wish I could take all the pain and trauma away for him.
What's worse is that he has already been previously attacked by a Big Old Husky when he was just a puppy. So this whole event probably sent him to that horrible place, mentally. My poor doggie.

I am just so thankful that we got the help we needed and that Hershey is safe back home with us.

It's taken me some serious strength to not go over to that neighbors house and threaten them or do something.

But what's done is done and I leave the rest to the Universe.

On a lighter note, A finally got his cast off today!!! He also got his pin out...yes, his metal pin that was holding his bones together. Nerve-wracking! And disturbing! But now we have a happy boy on our hands.

Okay, back to a cheerless subject: My mom and I's mishap.
Basically I sabotaged any chance of a relationship with my mother.
You know what though, I really did consider taking the posts down until she had said some fucked up shit about me and was trying to blame me for basically ruining her life. Turning everything around on me as if I was the one who made her do all this shit.
It may be petty bullshit, but she refuses to have anything to do with me or my son until I take back everything I said on here.
Do I go back to pretending again?
Should I keep lying to my mom, just to spare her feelings?
I can't take back what she already knows I've said. It out there! It's done!
Whichever way I could have done it, whether it was over the phone, through Skype, email, or letter, this end result would still be the same. And you can't tell me otherwise.

I knew she would be hurt, I did. But I honestly thought we'd be able to move on and work from there.
Like I said, she is very stubborn.
I guess when she's ready to talk, she'll talk. Or maybe she won't.
But I can tell you right now that I'm better at this non-talking bullshit than she is.
I mean, what did she expect? That I was just gunna go through life, spewing bullshit out of my mouth to her about how I had such an amazing childhood with her? That I never worried about her, or wondered where she was while I was growing up?
If you read between the lines of those posts, you'll see that it's really all about me missing her. Needing her. Wondering why we weren't close.
And that THAT'S what I wanted. Together-ness. Open-ness. My damn mother!
I guess it's just time for me to focus my good energy on good things and not waste it trying to get through to an unmovable brick wall.

A blog, for me, is basically an online diary. I talk. I talk about shit that goes on in my life. Shit I think about. Shit I'm experiencing. Publicly. No holding back. Just being 100% honest, 100% me.
You can call me fucked up, but at least I'm real.
At least I try.
I don't hide who I am. I think it's silly to.

I'm going to stop there. I'm in a blah mood today. Lots of conflicting emotions.
But I hope you all are having a wonderful day/night, wherever you might be around the world!
I love you all and appreciate more than you know, that you guys are still reading.

Much love,

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