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Over It


I just don't want to do anything anymore. I look at all these people around me and it makes me feel so out of place. Surreal.
I hate this. I just wanna be with my son but I feel like I'm unable to really be there for him in the way I want and should be.
Because I'm dragged back down by the monsters in my head.
And even the doctors don't understand. They aren't there with me in my head.
Am I truly alone on this fucked up mental journey?
No one is catching me and I'm free falling from the stars.
I miss those stars. They used to twinkle at me. Now I feel like they are all frowning at me.
Where did I go? I just want to come back.
They wouldn't keep me overnight because I had no intention of harming myself.
But doesn't me not wanting to take care of myself and me not being there as I should be for my kids enough to get me the help I need?
I'm just trying my very best. But lately, I just feel like it's not enough.
I'm tired of the wars in my head. I'm tired of fucking everything up. I just want to be a good mom and a good person.

-s.



Comments

  1. I really struggled to find resources for my husband - by the time we'd get to the er, he would not feel suicidal anymore and they would send him home. I finally found Colorado Cares, which provides all sorts of help. I understand your situation is not the same thing. I'm sorry to read you are struggling, but I appreciate your putting it out there. This place seems like they offer similar services in NV. http://www.carsontahoe.com/behavioral-health-services You should call. They may have resources that a general Hospital doesn't and may offer a sliding scale payment plan. You are not alone.

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  3. Thank you Sara <3 I am fine. I just have my moments. I am going to therapy and trying out a better medication. But I'll definitely keep that place in mind! Thank you so much <3

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