Friday, July 1, 2016
I just don't want to do anything anymore. I look at all these people around me and it makes me feel so out of place. Surreal.
I hate this. I just wanna be with my son but I feel like I'm unable to really be there for him in the way I want and should be.
Because I'm dragged back down by the monsters in my head.
And even the doctors don't understand. They aren't there with me in my head.
Am I truly alone on this fucked up mental journey?
No one is catching me and I'm free falling from the stars.
I miss those stars. They used to twinkle at me. Now I feel like they are all frowning at me.
Where did I go? I just want to come back.
They wouldn't keep me overnight because I had no intention of harming myself.
But doesn't me not wanting to take care of myself and me not being there as I should be for my kids enough to get me the help I need?
I'm just trying my very best. But lately, I just feel like it's not enough.
I'm tired of the wars in my head. I'm tired of fucking everything up. I just want to be a good mom and a good person.