The Magic of Being a Mom

where have i gone?
what happened
am i not meant to fly
or run
i sit in one place in my life
one place
why do i care?
i have everything i asked for
and my brain is plagued
plagued plagued plagued
wont leave me alone
wont leave me satisfied
never fucking satisfied
temporarily happy
angry
sad
pissed off
scratching my eyes out
those fucking butterflies
how good they make me feel
how they destroy my whole everything
never trust the butterflies
fucking fish bait
glue me to the fucking floor
i dont even know who i am anymore
i would call my therapist but they're closed
tired of being afraid
tired of being sorry
these wings hurt
from being so unused.

its like walking back and forth. pacing. yes. no.
overfuckingjoyed. madness. red anger.
simple sadness.
having two bodies within one.
they hate each other.
i just want love. 
pure. happy.
loneliness bubble. and im stuck but im not.
trying to burst it with
my unheard screams.
laughing
piercing.
holding hands.
walking forever.
on my knees begging.
not being heard.
am i really that quiet?
"yes i'm braking at the seams just like you"
she knows my heart.
trip-hopping through life. alone. alone.
satisfaction never satisfied.
kicked on the floor.
always cutting the ropes.
new change of scenery only when i close my eyes and dream.
restless.
think.
thinking.
smiling. flowers and butterflies.
struck by lightening. filled with hot electricity.
can't you feel my power?
i want to hold hands forever.
shit-storm.
running. running far. tripping over myself.
"please could you stay awhile to share my grief."
see, she gets it.
don't you realize what we are?
just hold my fucking hand.
call my name.
look at me.
…

Copied and Pasted from my email because that's where I wrote this. But this is what I talked about in my YouTube video and I wanted to post those words here for you all as well to get a better, clearer understanding since I tend to ramble. But wallah! At last, you can read it here! Please, if you haven't already....GO to my YouTube Channel and WATCH my videos! I know they are not of the best quality, but I gotta work with what I've got! (iPhone)...
Follow my blog! Subscribe to my channel!
If you like what you see, tell me by sharing!
Love you all!


It's hard to be positive when everyone around you is negative all the time.
Negativity is contagious...but you know what? So is positivity!
So what makes people so unhappy? What IS unhappiness?? What REALLY sets us up for unhappiness?
two things:
Expectations vs. reality.
We are unhappy when we realize that our standards for the world and our place in the world, are much further away than expected. We may not realize how hard the g…

You know that thing called Writers Block? Welcome to my current situation!
-stumped