Getting down and dirty with young motherhood; life stories and events, controversy, inspiration, love, life, babies, sexuality, co-parenting, mental-health, death, and magic. Hopefully bringing out similar stories and thoughts people share with one another, inspiring you and bringing you the courage you need for whatever chaotic life situation you find yourself occasionally in! You are NOT alone! See for yourself...
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Thursday, September 8, 2016
Are You Unhappy?
Copied and Pasted from my email because that's where I wrote this. But this is what I talked about in my YouTube video and I wanted to post those words here for you all as well to get a better, clearer understanding since I tend to ramble. But wallah! At last, you can read it here! Please, if you haven't already....GO to my YouTube Channel and WATCH my videos! I know they are not of the best quality, but I gotta work with what I've got! (iPhone)...
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It's hard to be positive when everyone around you is negative all the time.
Negativity is contagious...but you know what? So is positivity!
So what makes people so unhappy? What IS unhappiness?? What REALLY sets us up for unhappiness?
Expectations vs. reality.
We are unhappy when we realize that our standards for the world and our place in the world, are much further away than expected. We may not realize how hard the goal was actually going to be or maybe it's taking loner than you thought.
We set up too high of standards and expectations for ourselves that most of the time, somewhere in the middle we start to doubt ourselves, and some us just give up entirely. We end up disappointing ourselves that way..
We let ourselves down. We made unrealistic goals and ideals! And why do we do that?
That's where You vs. Society comes in to play.
We are always asking ourselves:
Where are we going? What are we doing? What are we SUPPOSED to do?
And the reality of it is: WE don't know! And NOBODY DOES!
We don't know because expectations are constantly changing, or evolving. Standards reach another, higher level, so we are always asking, "am i there yet?" "Am I good enough?"
And those are negative thoughts...negative thoughts lead to unhappiness.
We all react to how we think society THINKS we should react. Or how we think society's standards are, based on what media shows us. all of it! We compare certain situations that are going on in our life to those situations that other people go through in their lives, and how THEY react to them.
Which is, again, unrealistic.
THAT is You vs. Society. Who you are as a person, VS. unrealistic ideals, expectations, and standards. We can achieve expectations! We can meet the standards of society! But like I said, those ideals, those standards, those expectations are always going to change. You'll be asked of something bigger and better every time. And it will go on like this forever!!! That's just life!
So how are we as people? Well, no matter how we feel about situations, or society, ideals, goals, etc., we always have those outside influences around us. And most of us take a little of both. The expectations vs. reality, and the you vs. society. And this is what makes us lost inside. We have no real US. Well, we do, but it's just hiding down inside us. Afraid to come out.
We are always so unsure of ourselves. We have such little confidence in ourselves and the things we do, mostly because of those unrealistic ideals that society and media show us.
But check this out: no one has a clue in where they're going, no one really has full confidence, no matter what their status.
And that is NORMAL! There is no road map of life. No one knows the future. You can plan all you want, and that is fine! It's great to have plans! But keeping in mind that things are constantly changing is what's most healthy for you.
If you're sitting up in bed late at night, or sitting at the bus stop and your mind is so worried about whatever ideal, goal, plan, whatever you have set in your head that you might not be achieving at the time, can make you feel very hopeless, or like you're not good enough. You're not trying hard enough. It should be done already! Which are all negative feelings of course, and negative feelings lead to unhappiness.
However, having those fears in the back of your mind, also reminds us to be more reasonable with the ideal we set up.
Finding that balance of reasoning with your ideals, and staying positive, is where it gets complicated.
It's all about altering the reflection of your perception. How you see yourself. To the core.
If you are perceiving yourself in a negative way, you will perceive the world, and your unmet ideals or standards in a negative way.
When you look at yourself in the mirror and see nothing but your "flaws," how are you supposed to go through life positively? TRY altering that reflection...Adjust that perception and things start to look better. Seriously!
We need to realize that both the good and the bad moments we are CURRENTLY experiencing, both push us forward and hold us back. Temporarily.
The bad moments send us into a negative state of mind. Temporarily. But we can choose what we take from that to move us forward in a positive direction. To learn and accept and move on, hopefully in a positive way. Again, changing that perspective.
A spouse passes away. You're in shock. And then you go through your own grieving process. You WILL feel unhappy. You WILL feel negative thoughts. You might lose hope in everything.
But ultimately, it's up yo YOU to decide to hold on to that hope and that strength. And you can move forward. And it will take time be positive about life without your spouse or whatever it may be.
But it is not impossible. It is ultimately up to you!
As for the good moments we are CURRENTLY experiencing, those can push us forward AND hold us back at the same time. It can boost our confidence and make us strive to keep going and be better. Or it can hold us back due to apprehension, worries, fear that this good moment will only last a small moment. And that is true! But just like how you experience the bad moments, it's up to you to choose how to react!
Don't expect it to last forever. But be confident, savor the good moment. Dwell in that experience.
Or you can be fearful. And keep yourself restrained. And expect life to always "do that to you."
Imagine if we were able to live more in the moment, to savor life as it is happening RIGHT NOW, living life would be a whole lot simpler. Because we wouldn't be so focused on past regrets and traumatic events, or our future fears.
We need to realize how to embrace the "NOW" moments.
But that's easier said than done!
Not everyone can do this sort of thing. It's even hard for me! My mind is always thinking thinking thinking. Non-stop. And that makes it hard to just BE. And lots of people are the same way
But that doesn't make it impossible.
Like you have heard, "True happiness lies within."
And I can't begin to say how true this really is.
And that is really is THAT simple!
So basically, what I'm trying to say is: unhappiness is inevitable. It will happen! Just as happiness will happen. But there are ways to lessen the feelings of unhappiness. Ways to work through it and LEARN from those moments!
You will see the world, you will see humanity, only as you see yourself.
Change that! Compliment yourself! You are a beautiful, wonderful, amazing human being. You are! And you have to believe that, no matter what society tells you.
Pay no mind to society's expectations of you, as it's all a bunch of bullshit.
Don't set unreasonable ideals or goals or dreams or whatever you want to call it. You know your limits.
Don't look too far into the future.
Don't assume things! Assumptions only lead to deception. Disappointment, anger, hostility. And you don't even know the situation!
Negative feelings result in unhappiness. Simple as that.
REACT differently. CHANGE your perception.
Start out your day with positivity.
And most of all, trust yourself.
Try waking up and go through one hour of no complaining. Thinking nothing but positive thoughts. Say something nice about yourself. Compliment another person!
Make a good breakfast savor each bite. And see if you can make that hour last another.
It may seem easy. But it really does take a lot of effort. Just start with that.
These types of Try-THIS-And-You'll-Find-Happiness things alone, don't guarantee you to find yourself and the happiness inside you. It all depends on the kind of person you are. You have to be a willing human being. You have to WANT.
When it comes to unhappy people, there's only so much you can do to help or to teach. But in the end, it's up to them to WANT to be a better person.
I said this in one of my blog posts: You can't ask someone to tie their shoes if they don't want to.
And like I've mentioned in my previous video, being in tune with yourself, coming to self-realization, helps you to find that true happiness. Because happiness really does lie within.