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Honey Sunshine Chai Tea Warm Milk

thezetimez

where have i gone?
what happened
am i not meant to fly
or run
i sit in one place in my life
one place
why do i care?
i have everything i asked for
and my brain is plagued
plagued plagued plagued
wont leave me alone
wont leave me satisfied
never fucking satisfied
temporarily happy
angry
sad
pissed off
scratching my eyes out
those fucking butterflies
how good they make me feel
how they destroy my whole everything
never trust the butterflies
fucking fish bait
glue me to the fucking floor
i dont even know who i am anymore
i would call my therapist but they're closed
tired of being afraid
tired of being sorry
these wings hurt
from being so unused.


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Honey Sunshine Chai Tea Warm Milk

Last night I was watching my son sleep peacefully. The purple and orange Christmas lights hanging on the ceiling, shining down on his perfect, small, comfortable body; his small breaths; his little but strong chest moving up and then down. And I lie there with him, staring in wonder. A feeling of uneasiness settled in too. Worried. This little boy will continue to grow bigger and bigger, older and older, venturing out into the unknown. Staring down at his little neck that was openly tempting me to kiss it all over, not wanting to wake him. And I thought of his future girlfriend, or his wife, and thought: "How lucky she will be. THE luckiest girl in the world. To be able to kiss THAT neck. So passionately. Hold him dearly. Kiss him sweetly. Run her fingers through his hair. Caress his incredibly soft skin." And each time I thought these things, my tummy got warmer. My heart fluttered. Thinking of how he smells of honey and sunshine. Chai tea and warm milk. I realized th